Stephanie's Story
Stephanie is a single mom who has been in recovery for alcohol addiction for over twenty years. Stephanie left her husband and moved four hours away after physical violence in their relationship escalated in years prior.Stephanie and her ex-husband went through custody proceedings in court and arranged that her young son would spend summers with his dad and the remaining school year with his mom. Stephanie called Mainstay after getting a phone call from her son saying his dad had been threatening him and was hitting his new wife almost every day.
A court advocate from Mainstay helped Stephanie file for a restraining order including full custody of her son and several state sheriff departments coordinated to insure that her husband would be served the restraining order quickly. Stephanie’s restraining order has been in place for almost two years now and she and her son are both working with counselors to overcome their histories of family violence.
Stephanie and her son continue to live happily together and have even taken to activism for family violence. Since Stephanie’s initial contact with Mainstay she’s marched in awareness walks and participated in vigils for victims of family violence. She reports that her and her family are healing more and more every day.
Robert's Story
This story is about a middle aged man, Robert. On several occasions Robert has said that he has learned so much from this class.He shared a conversation he had with his ex-wife who had called to complain how their teenage sons were treating her. Robert listened to her without interrupting and then expressed his support for her and his pledge to speak to the boys on their next visit.
Robert explained that how she was interacting with him on the phone was so much different from other conversations because she realized that he was listening to her and problem solving with her. At the end of the conversation they both were civil and pleasant to each other.
Robert’s next comment was powerful:
"If I had known about the things we are learning in this class years ago and put them into practice like I am trying to do now…who knows maybe I would still have my marriage."
Karen's Story
Karen was married to her husband for just over a year when she learned he was abusing methamphetamines, prescription narcotics, and alcohol. Her husband began victimizing her and over the course of the next year he repeatedly beaten her with his fists and other objects, killed her pet dog, confined her to the house, and threatened her with a gun.Karen was eventually able to escape to a friend’s house and contacted Mainstay for help. With the help of a court advocate, Karen obtained an emergency ex-parte order through the court that made it illegal for her husband to contact her or come near her. Mainstay referred Karen to Pisgah Legal Services who provided free legal representation to make sure that her restraining order would stay in place for at least a year.
Since Karen’s abusive relationship ended she has received counseling services through Mainstay and reports that she feels safe. Karen’s goals for the future include building a support system of friends in the community and to pursue her long-lost hobby of horseback riding. Karen continues to work with Mainstay’s programs and hopes to be "back in the saddle" before long.
Joe's Story
This story involves a young man who said that he and his wife always had to have the last word in an argument. Each one trying to win.Joe said to the group that he loved his wife and he wanted to keep the relationship so he began to listen to the topics in class and realized that you can blame the police, the courts, your spouse but really the only reason we got arrested was because we all did something that we should not have done.
He began taking time outs to control his anger and then going back and discussing the issue with his wife later. As he started to listen more to his wife’s point of view she started listening to him. He said he is fortunate because as he grows and changes she is too because they both want to make the relationship work.
They can now discuss difficult subjects without toasters or canned vegetables flying at his head or his loosing control. His evaluation of the relationship is that it is almost like when they first met as kids in school.