Carlie

The Mainstay shelter provided me the space and freedom to find my voice.

Carlie remembered waking up on October 1st thinking – "he's not here anymore". The police had removed him from the home after she had filed for a 50B. The police gave her information about Mainstay but she at the time thought she did not need assistance.

Since her abuser was not there, she was able to get closer to her kids as he was not hovering over all the time. After the 50B expired, he was apologetic and moved back in. The verbal abuse and controlling started again and the situation worsened.

Carlie said that her only friend and family during this time was her godmother who talked her out of staying in the domestic violence situation and was a very positive woman and influence. Carlie decided that she did need some help and contacted Mainstay for outreach counseling. After some time in counseling, she asked if she could move into the shelter. She had to wait for a few weeks until there was space available and moved in.

Carlie said she was very scared to come to Mainstay because she knew everyone would see all her flaws and depression. She would not speak up and would not ask for anything for fear of what someone would say. She felt safe immediately upon entering the building. She did not have much with her when she entered shelter and says that Mainstay gave her everything she needed from toiletries to a nice clean tub and lights and enough food to get started. The drop-in daycare was great for her to be able to use for her two children.

After moving into shelter and having the freedom to come and go when she wanted or to move freely around the building, she realized that she had let him control everything and wondered how she could have let it go on for so long.

Her experience at Mainstay was very positive and uplifting. She said that her kids have grown just by the structure and rules that are in place at Mainstay. When they were living with their father his rules changed all the time and they never knew what to expect.

Carlie participated in support group, counseling and parenting classes. She had to establish transportation and income in order to make progress toward self-sufficiency. She was able to get a car and after applying for jobs and realizing her applications were being set aside she decided that she needed to get her GED. She is working with a tutor to complete her goal. She was eligible for North Carolina's DSS Workfirst program where parents can get short-term training and other services to help them become employed and self-sufficient.

Transitional housing was an option for Carlie but she decided to find her own apartment. She says that she has taken everything she learned with her to her new home including routines, rules and chores for herself and for her children.

She says that they still have areas to work on but she is not willing to have violence, yelling, controlling and belittling in her life. She feels her daughter has some delays in learning level. She is also working to establish sharing the children with their father. Carlie says Mainstay was her only chance to do it right, to take the assistance that helped her to stand on her own. The family has a home with bills which she takes care of on her own. She feels she is a better influence on her children now. She is happy to report that she has new friends and people in their lives and is no longer isolated from other people.

Carlie is very appreciative of the staff and volunteers. She said that she felt like no one could care for her children like she could but everyone was always nice to the kids and helping her with what she needed. People would approach her, taking the time out of their schedule to address her about what was bothering her.

"Because of Mainstay she found her voice and her ability to be self-sufficient"